Two weeks ago, I become an uncle. Actually, my sister and her husband became parents. Sarah Laurel did not have an easy entry into the world, but it looks now like she wants to stay, and I am really happy for her and especially for her parents, Kathryn and Sam, who've been through an incredibly difficult time, but have come up smiling.

Shortly before I became a parent, my father gave me the following advice:

• Go spend a day with some friends and their children
• Watch them discuss, argue, fight and otherwise deal with the challenges of children.
• Give lots of advice on how your friends could do a better job parenting (regardless of whether they asked for it or not).
• Go home, open a bottle of wine, and savor the moment. It will be the last time in your life that you know all the answers!

So after touching wood and promising to stay indoors during thunderstorms, I offer my sister and anyone else who may want them my personal 10 tips for successful parenting:

1. Work as a team. If your partner is "in the heat of battle", dealing with a problem, then support their actions even if you would do things differently. Let your partner finish. Then, when the children are out of earshot, discuss the problem and agree on a strategy for next time. Unresolved disagreements will be shamelessly exploited by children, which will also make them (and in turn, you) very unhappy.

2. Be loving, be firm - These qualities are not mutually exclusive. You can be nice to your kids and set clear rules and expectations. Your kids will trust you and respect you for it. They will also adopt these qualities as the normal way to be. If you give in to avoid conflict, they will learn to push you, to whine and to throw temper tantrums to get what they want. Conflicts escalate.

If you are harsh, violent or disrespectful, they will learn subservient obedience. They will also consider this normal behavior and adopt these qualities. Remember: your children will grow up to be just like you. When they confront life's hard problems, do you want them to fear your and hide things from you? Or do you want them to trust you and talk to you about their problems?

Oh, this is getting long. More tomorrow...